Saturday, August 18, 2007

Empty-nest syndrome

It’s a dreary Saturday afternoon here in Scotland; doesn’t look like the rain will stop anytime soon either- just drizzling away. My first post back was yesterday, a wee post on our son, S starting school and what a good time he’s having there. What l didn’t really tell you was how l’ve been feeling lately. It’s not just about the wee one going to school but has to do with my older two, D & M leaving for UNI. in September. I think some call it Empty-nest syndrome. You can read more about it HERE.

I knew it was coming, all summer l have been helping them gather bits and pieces for their year ahead; things like laundry hampers, bed sheets, files and dustpans- all the things you need to be organised and ready for life as a student. Anyway as l said l’ve known it was coming, last year l had the worries with Daniel and the coming to grips with him being on his own but l knew he’d be back for summer and that made things a bit easier. This time they both leave for all twelve months of the year, M with her nursing and placements and D because he has rented a flat with friends for the full year- a double whammy. They will both be living and working in the city and l really hope they find time to meet up together and support each other. I’ll miss them.
This summer l ‘shelved’ the thought of them going, put it somewhere out of reach so l didn’t have to think of it and what it meant. However with Sam going to school this past week it seemed like a bracket fell from wall and the shelf came down. All week l’ve been weeping at the least little thing- it doesn’t take much either and l can’t really explain why. I just feel bereft, as if l’ve lost something. All my life has been spent raising my kids and now their going out to make their own way- not wee S yet and l am so glad he’s still at home- but it’s a bit hard at the moment.
l’m remaining focused but thought l’d put my feelings out there in case anyone else was feeling or had ever felt the same. I’m a bit unusual in the sense that my children have such an age gap but l feel sure that there must be other women out there who can relate to this.
On Monday l’m going to go for a job interview locally- just a small part time thing just now while S adjusts to school and then come his full days, who knows. I need some focus and a bit of time to find myself.
LOL- laughing at myself here while having another wee greet(cry) again.

On a more upbeat note Merle over at Third Try recently gave me the Nice Matters Award. Under the circumstances you have to smile but a big hug and heartfelt thanks to Merle for this all the same- a bit of sunshine at the moment is most welcome. This award has to be passed on to eight others. I’ve tried to be fair and to give this award to Bloggers who have not already had it. So here goes, in no particular order... 1. Sorlil (Parenting in Progress) 2. Tammy (My Gentle Retreat) 3. Sue (Susie’s Space) 4. Kerri (Colours of the Garden) 5. Claire (Claire’s Garden) 6. Snow White (The Funny Bone) 7. Sharon (Amelia Rose Cottage) 8. Susan (Celadon Pool Two)


PEA said...

Awwwww dear Horizon, believe me, you're not the only one feeling like that, we all go through it when our children leave home. I felt so lost when both boys had moved out and for days I didn't know what to do with myself!! It's so hard to let go and just because they no longer live at home, it doesn't mean that you stop worrying. Now you know what your own mum felt when YOU left home:-) Your two older children have good heads on their shoulders and I've no doubt they will be just fine...think how excited they are to be going out in the world and being on their own!! Congratulations on the Nice award, you truly deserve it:-) Great choices of wonderful people to pass it on to!! Giving you biggggg hugs to make you feel better! ((((Horizon)))) xox

Susie said...

I do remember those first really empty nest days. The house seemed terribly quiet and I insisted on having music playing all the time to fill the sound of the big empty house. It takes time, but soon, the quiet is welcome and it's fun to be just the two of you. You've got quite some time to go before that!
Thank you so much for the nice matters awards. I truly appreciate it!!

Val said...

Its very strange - just being yourself, when all this time youve been "D and M's mother" or "G's wife" and now (apart from dear wee S) you are You.

And even childless woman get to this stage, so its not just Empty Nest syndrome. We spend so much time being there for others, that we forget who we are. And we have to give ourselves time and re-discover the wonderful women we have changed into when we were too busy too look or pay attention.

Its also a small bereavement, and when my eldest daughter (the bride) left for six weeks in London with the National Youth Theatre at 14, I physically hurt. My tummy felt like something had been cut - some psychic umbilical cord or spiritual apron strings!

You are doing EXACTLY the right thing and going for a job. I hope you get it and its good for you. Fun and enjoyment can still be had!

Dont worry about having a good greet - but I sense you wont.

Live in the moment, and dont forget to breathe. Hugs.

susan said...

I've still got two at home, but it will be strange when our youngest leaves school next summer.
My eldest is at uni, but commutes every day, and some weeks he's hardly in at all.

It must be strange when they do leave, not looking forward to it myself.

Thank you ever so much for the nomination.

slap me happy said...

Hang in there sis, it must be that full moon thing we get for I feel like crap too. funnily enough it has been very very overcast here today too. Watch out all you weather affected souls. I love you and wish you could make me a cuppa sis. Want to come back again next year. fingers crossed hey.

Vintage to Victorian said...

Oh dear, poor you. Because H didn't go to university and it was more of a gradual thing I didn't truly get the empty-nest syndrome to such a degree. The leaving home thing just sort of evolved and the transition was more gradual.

Chin up - there'll soon be that C-word to think about, fun and games and high jinx (don't hear that too often these days, do you! I wonder where that crept out from!!!).

Shall go off and look at the Nice Matters Award blogs ...

Jeanette said...

Hi Horizon, I agree with Pea, I used to cry a lot when mine left home,I started working part time and did so for years. then we sold up in the city, moved to country, then I joined a bowling club were i now play carpet and lawn bowls. I have made many new friends. Now im on my own there's always someone dropping in or asking me out with them. and now there's not enough hours in the day.

T*mmy said...

Going thru the same thing here my friend as my son just up and got married! The article you included was very helpful...and it stated that marriage of a child is a real for myself, I'm not weepy but I anger easily...growling and snarling "a lot" according to Hubby! I guess we all deal with this in different ways!
On a "nicer" note, congratulations on your award...and I'm so thankful that you thought of me and all the others!
Have a wonderful cup of tea and laugh at those raindrops, there are blessings ahead!!

Sorlil said...

You've done a fantastic job with D and M, I'm very proud of them both. And seeing how S thought you were M's sis and not her mum it must be a sign that this is gonna be a new lease of life for you!! Wee Sam's going to keep your hands full for a loooong time yet! xxx

Sharon Kay said...

I remember when..........the girls went to school and how I felt..........and with Sam going to school, that will be a hard one for you. Enjoy your me a good book or make homemade gifts for Christmas. You will make it through this just like I di9d....Thank you for the nice matters award.....It means a lot and it is the first award I received. Hugs and thanks to you.....

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry you are feeling sad. I certainly can understand your emotions. Such a change in your household without the two kids. Hopefully you will be able to get used to it and even enjoy the extra time you might have to do other things.
All the best to you my friend.


Betty said...

Awh, Horizon, I'm sending you a big hug.....I've been there and it's a "Mama" thing......I'd be concerned if you didn't feel that way.....

Thank you for considering me....

Best wishes on the new endeavor.....I'm sure you will do fantastically, if that's a word....

Take care.....Betty

Kerri said...

I'm sure that dreary weather doesn't help one bit. I'm sending you a big virtual hug dear friend. It's a big adjustment to make...all sorts of things going through your mind as you think of your kids on their own in the big city, etc. You've raised them well, so I'm sure they'll fare well.
Your house will still have the patter of wee "S's" feet so it won't seem so empty...truly.
It's good to share your feelings and get out the emotion rather than bottle it up. Good for you!
We've most of us been through it ourselves, so can empathize.
Hang in'll feel better when the sun shines again :)
Oh, almost forgot! Thanks so much for the award. It's very sweet of you and I truly appreciate it. You certainly deserve any and all awards passed to you. I think "Mom of the Year" would by an appropriate award. No one has a bigger mother's heart than you.

clairesgarden said...

thankyou for the award, I'm just going to post my nominations.
sure your after school adventures with the wee one will fill all your time!

Betty said...

Thank you for the birthday greeting for Melinda....I'm sure she will read it and appreciate it....

The sheep dance was fun to watch. My wee little grandchildren will enjoy it......thanks, friend....Betty

Carmen said...

You are Miss Manners to me!
Great lady in Scotland please feel better soon, My daughter is still young but I have been thinking about that lately, I will let you know when it happens and please be there for me ;-)

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